Thermostat Thief

Intro

Married fifteen years to a man I love to death
But that boy runs hotter than a dragon's breath
Cranks the dial to ninety every single night
Says it helps him sleep, but I know that ain't right

Pre-Chorus

'Cause I've seen him stretchin' out, kickin' off the sheet
Takin' up the mattress from the headboard to feet
Smilin' like a outlaw who just robbed a bank
While I'm sweatin' through my nightgown for heavens sake

Chorus

He's a thermostat thief, a king-size crook
Stole the whole dang bed, and he didn't even look
He calls it cuddle weather, I call it grand theft sheet
He's a thermostat thief, and the bed is his receipt

Verse 2

fiftenn years of marriage to the man who holds my heart
But the boy's got a furnace where his common sense should start
First it was a space heater tucked beside the bed
Then a heated mattress pad for his achin' head
He's got the ceiling fan unplugged, windows sealed up tight
Wearin' flannel pajamas like it's twenty ouside

Bridge

Granny told me sweetly with a twinkle in her eye
"Honey, every quiet husband's got a alibi"
Well I'm fixin' to remember what my granny said
'Cause there's snow inside the freezer so thats where ima head

Final Chorus

He's a thermostat thief, a Tempur-Pedic crook
Built a sauna in our bedroom while I cooked the books
Yeah he won the battle, but the war ain't done
'Cause tomorrow I'm unpluggin' every fan he's got
He calls it cuddle weather, I call it grand theft sheet
He's a thermostat thief — and one day he'll lose his seat